Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, May 27, 2010
Questions that come up at the end of a presentation help me understand how I can support people to understand better what they may be experiencing or to address some of the arguments that come up in their minds. One of the ones that comes up regularly relates to the old catchphrase of 'fake it til you make it' which means to imitate confidence so that as the confidence produces
success, it will generate real confidence. People want to know whether faking it til you make it gets in the way of authenticity.
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To me, faking it til you make it certainly
produces a more positive result than retreating - in the short term. However, it involves
denying how I feel - sweeping those feelings under the rug and patting
it down. In other words, hiding the lack of confidence I feel which
comes from fear and the feeling of being 'not good enough' as we are. That
feeling is real, the thinking behind it is not. If we could see who we really are, we would
never doubt that we are good enough again.
Cary Grant was probably the most famous
proponent of fake it til you
make it. He openly admitted that he created the Cary Grant
"character" and said he knew
the kind of man he wanted to be - and after years of
pretending he finally became
that man. Cary Grant had a very troubled childhood - his mother
disappeared when he was 9 years old - so no doubt he had a mask or two
in place. Perhaps faking it was the best he could do with his
understanding and resources at the time.
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I do realise there are many ways to the centre of town and that my way is just one of those. I just don't think that glossing over such disapproval of ourselves is the answer. It brings to mind the biblical analogy that building your house on the sand means it has poor foundations that won't withstand any tests Putting masks on over a feeling of not good enough doesn't help us recognise the truth of who we are which is pure possibility.
Fake it til you make it might seem like a great solution - it most likely would help you achieve desired results in the short-term. Longer-term, though, it is far better to be authentic - to truly see ourselves, accept our strengths and successes, accept that we have weaknesses and that everyone does. To journey towards an increased understanding of who we truly are, we need to accept that we create the whole of our reality through our habitual thoughts and beliefs and that as creators, we can change those patterns (which is a similar principle to 'fake it til you make it').
The difference between 'fake it til you make it' and peeling back the masks to see who we truly are underneath is that the first approach comes from the space that we are not inherently good enough and therefore need to change who we are while the second approach comes from the space of accepting that who we truly are - beneath the layers of self-protection and the masks we hide behind - is absolutely perfect. One approach is denial and the other is acceptance.
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
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